this is me in no way wanting you back but just know I’ll always have a place for you in my heart. there are so many things I dislike about you but there are so many lovely things about you, hence the word lovely, that I love. I’ll never be able to forget nor find a worthy comparison to how comfortable I felt being in your room, in your bed. I felt safe and at home.
pleased. content. maybe it’s just tonight, maybe it’s the fact my life feels like it’s falling apart, but you scarred me, not in a bad way. I’ll always love you, I’ll never forget how much I loved just being in your presence, not even needing to do anything. you’re great, you try so fucking hard, but it’s okay, it’s you. you annoy me to no end but I’m glad. you made me feel something and that’s a whole lot more than I can say for anyone else.
also, you loved me so much and I don’t think anyone could ever do that ever again. I wasn’t or am worthy of being loved like that. it’s upsetting I guess. I want nothing like what we had with anyone else, it was too much for me to bare, but at least it fucking meant something, at least we were trying and putting ourselves out there despite all the shit we went though. and the fact we went through it together. together. we always came back, we fucking meant something. it was more than love, don’t worry I’m not getting insane here, l mean, it was companionship. almost like a family bond or the kind best friends shared. we were there for each other. we embarrassed ourselves and we weren’t ashamed. I could be comfortably naked around you, in my purest form. we were two souls that just were. fuck. I sound dumb. but damn, this feels so right to say.
again, I don’t want you back. I just need to appreciate what we had because I know I’ll never have that again. we always kept trying, always. even when we were apart, we were together, it was beautiful to me. we wrote god damn letters to each other. we snuck around like criminals. we lied to those we loved all for the sake of being together, and that’s the one of the best things I’ll ever do.
I appreciate this part of my life so much, it’s helped me grow so much and taught me more than any school could. you changed me and I’ll always love you and our memories. I despise you but god damn were we great. you were my best friend.